59 Seconds: Think a little, change a lot

My highlighs of the book: 59 Seconds: Think a little, change a lot by Richard Wiseman

Chapter 1 - Happiness

• We all get used to what we have very quickly. Buying a new car or a bigger house provides a short-term feel-good boost, but we quickly become accustomed to it and sink back to our pre-purchase level of joy.

• About 50 percent of your overall sense of happiness is genetically determined,

• 10 percent is attributable to general circumstances (educational level, income, whether you are married or single, etc.) that are difficult to change.

• 40 percent is derived from your day-to-day behavior and the way you think about yourself and others.

• Does the road to happiness really depend on people’s being able to simply push negative thoughts out of their mind? Actually, research suggests that such thought suppression may be far more likely to increase, rather than decrease, misery.

• Perhaps spend time with your family, go to a party, get more involved in your work, or take up a new hobby. Although this technique can often provide an effective short-term boost, it will probably not lead to a long-term sense of contentment. For that, research suggests, you need to know how to use a pencil, how to keep the perfect diary, how to carry out small acts of kindness, and how to develop the gratitude attitude.

• Expressing gratitude, thinking about a perfect future, and affectionate writing have been scientifically proven to work—and all they require is a pen, a piece of paper, and a few moments of your time.

• People become much happier after providing for others rather than themselves.

• Carrying out five nonfinancial acts of kindness on a single day also provides a significant boost to happiness.

• Smile more. This shouldn’t be a brief, unfelt smile that ends in the blink of an eye. Instead, research suggests that you should try to maintain the expression for between fifteen and thirty seconds.

• Those who had sat upright were much happier than those who had slouched,

• Try walking in a more relaxed way, swinging your arms slightly more and putting more of a spring in your step. Also, try making more expressive hand gestures during conversations, nod your head more when others are speaking, wear more colorful clothing, use positively charged emotional words more (especially “love,” “like,” and “fond”), use fewer self-references (“me,” “myself,” and “I”), have a larger variation in the pitch of your voice, speak slightly faster, and have a significantly firmer handshake.

• To maximize happiness, choose intentional change over circumstantial change. Make the effort to start a new hobby, begin a major project, or try a sport that you have never tried before. Choose activities that fit your personality, values, and abilities. It might help to think about what you already enjoy doing, identify the core elements that make this activity so pleasurable, and try other activities involving the same elements.

Chapter 2 - Persuasion

• After analyzing the mass of data, the research team exploded some of the myths about why interviewers choose candidates for a job, discovering a surprising reality. Did the likelihood depend on qualifications? Or was it work experience? In fact, it was neither. It was just one important factor—did the candidate appear to be a pleasant person? Those who had managed to ingratiate themselves were very likely to be offered a position, and they charmed their way to success in several different ways.

• A few had spent time chatting about topics that were not related to the job but that interested the candidate and the interviewer. Some had made a special effort to smile and maintain eye contact. Others had praised the organization. This barrage of positivity had paid dividends, convincing the interviewers that such pleasant and socially skilled applicants would fit well in the workplace and so should be offered a job. Higgins and Judge’s study clearly demonstrates that in order to get your dream job, going out of your way to be pleasant is more important than qualifications and past work experience.

• Should you mention weaknesses toward the start of the interview, or hope to make a good first impression and introduce possible problems only at the end?

• It seems that presenting weaknesses early is seen as a sign of openness.

• Can the same be said of the more positive aspects of your résumé?

• Now the effect was reversed, with the man appearing far more likeable when he mentioned the award later. It seems that modesty, rather than honesty, is critical for positive aspects of your past. By delaying mention of such details, you appear to prefer letting your strengths emerge naturally, while playing your cards early is seen as boastful.

• Increase your chances of giving a great interview in three easy steps.

• Remember that likeability is more important than academic achievements and work experience, so … find something that you truly like about the organization, and let your opinion be known feel free to give a genuine compliment to the interviewer chat about a non-job-related topic that you and the interviewer find interesting show interest in the interviewer.

• Ask what type of person is being sought and how the position fits into the overall organization be enthusiastic about the position and the organization smile and maintain eye contact with the interviewer

• When you do have weaknesses, don’t wait until late in the interview to reveal them. Instead, give your credibility a boost by getting them into the conversation toward the start of the interview. And remember, for positive aspects, modesty is vital, so retain something strong until the very last minute. Third If you make what seems like a major mistake, don’t overreact. The chances are that it is far more noticeable to you than to others, and your excessive response or apologizing could just draw more attention to it. Instead, acknowledge the mistake, if appropriate, and then continue as if nothing has happened.

• Increasing your popularity is to express a genuine interest in others. In fact, Carnegie argues, people will win more friends in two months by developing a genuine interest in those around them than in two years of trying to make others interested in them.

• Alternative quick and easy routes, which include giving sincere compliments, matching people’s body language and style of speech, appearing to be modest, and being generous with your time, resources, and skills.

• To encourage others to like you, ask for their help.

• People like you more when they do a favor for you.

• Is more likely to work with small favors rather than more significant requests that make people either respond begrudgingly or, even worse, refuse.

• The occasional slipup can enhance your likeability. However, remember that the effect really works only when you are in danger of being seen as too perfect.

• Know that whatever traits you assign to others are likely to come home to roost, being viewed as part of your own personality.

• Started their conversations with a simple question designed to get a positive answer, asking “How are you feeling this evening?” As expected, the vast majority of people responded favorably (“Great,” “Fine, thanks”). More important, this act had a dramatic influence on whether they would allow a salesperson into their house. Of those who were in the “How are you feeling?” group, 32 percent accepted the offer, compared to just 18 percent in the control “no question” group. The message is that people are more likely to agree with you when they have already said something positive.

• People developed a special fondness for other people, objects, and statements if they were introduced to them while eating a meal.18

• In short, it’s good evidence that there really is no such thing as a free lunch, or an innocent cup of coffee.

• For persuasion, the research points to a simple fact: similarity works.

• If you are unfortunate enough to require assistance in the street,

• Pick out a friendly face in the crowd and clearly tell them what is happening and what they need to do.

• Favors have their strongest effect when they occur between people who don’t know each other very well, and when they are small but thoughtful.

• In a sense, by giving too much at the beginning, one person places the other in a difficult position because the law of reciprocity states that the recipient has to give even more in return.

• Motivation is also important, as recipients can often experience a drop in self-esteem if they think they are being helped because they are believed not to have the ability to be successful by themselves35 or if they attribute the favor to an ulterior motive.36 So, for maximum persuasion, remember: save your favors for strangers, it really is the thought that counts, and the favor has to appear to come from the heart, not the head.

• Americans were heavily influenced by the reciprocity rule

• Germans were more concerned about whether their actions would be consistent with company rules, the Spanish were driven more by basic rules of friendship and liking, and the Chinese were swayed by the status of the coworker.

• Finally, if you want to get maximum return for your investment, ask for the return favor quickly.

• It seems that if you leave it too long, people either forget what happened or convince themselves that they didn’t really need the help in the first place.

Chapter 3 - Motivation

• Why should it be so bad for you to imagine yourself achieving your goals? Researchers have speculated that those who fantasize about how wonderful life could be are ill prepared for the setbacks that frequently occur along the rocky road to success, or perhaps they enjoy indulging in escapism and so become reluctant to put in the effort required to achieve their goals. Either way, the message from the research is clear: fantasizing about your perfect world may make you feel better, but it is unlikely to help you transform your dreams into reality.

• To achieve your aims and ambitions, there are four key techniques that will help you succeed: having the right kind of plan, telling your friends and family, focusing on the benefits, and rewarding yourself each step of the way.

• Motivational journal

  1. What is your overall goal? My overall goal is to …

  2. Creating a step-by-step plan Break your overall goal into a maximum of five smaller steps. Each step should be associated with a goal that is concrete, measurable, realistic, and time-based. Think about how you will achieve each step and the reward that you will give yourself when you do. The rewards can be anything you like, perhaps ice cream, new shoes or clothes, the latest high-tech gadget, a book, dinner out, or a massage. For each of the five sub-goals, complete the following statements in writing.

     STEP 1 My first sub-goal is to… I believe that I can achieve this goal because … To achieve this sub-goal, I will … This will be achieved by the following date: My reward for achieving this will be … STEP 2 My second sub-goal is to …

  3. What are the benefits of achieving your overall goal? List three important benefits, focusing on how much better life will be for you and those around you. Focus on enjoying the benefits associated with your desired future rather than escaping the negative aspects of your current situation.

  4. Going public Whom are you going to tell about your goal and sub-goals? Perhaps your friends, family, or colleagues. Could you describe it on a blog or display it somewhere prominent in your house or at the office?

• Procrastination is a surprisingly complex phenomenon that can stem from a variety of causes, including fear of failure, perfectionism, low levels of self-control, a tendency to see projects as a whole rather than breaking them into smaller parts, being prone to boredom, the feeling that life is too short to worry about seemingly unimportant tasks, and an inability to accurately estimate how long it takes to do things.

• One of the most effective states of mind involves people being optimistic about achieving their goal but also realistic about some of the problems that they may encounter.

• Some research suggests that eating more slowly helps people eat less, perhaps because it fools our brains into thinking that we’ve eaten more and allows extra time for the body to digest food.17

• The normal-slow combination was even more effective than eating slowly all the way through the meal, suggesting that the secret to feeling satisfied is to start at your normal speed but then savor each and every mouthful.

• Research shows that just placing food or drink out of sight or moving it a few feet away can have a big effect on consumption.

• Distractions while eating, such as watching television, reading a magazine, or even chatting with others, encourage people to consume more.

• Try cutting down on your eating by using smaller bowls, plates, and cutlery.

Chapter 4 - Creativity

• When people work on their own, their success or failure is entirely the result of their own abilities and hard work. If they do well, the glory is theirs. If they fail, they alone are accountable. However, add other people to the situation, and suddenly everyone stops trying so hard, safe in the knowledge that though individuals will not receive personal praise if the group does well, they can always blame others if it performs badly.

• When you next want to come up with a creative solution to a problem, try the following technique and see what pops into your mind. If the word-search puzzle is not for you, try tackling a difficult crossword puzzle, Sudoku, or any other task that fully occupies your conscious mind.

• Here are summaries of each of the techniques and some exercises designed to help you implement them.

• Prime your mind by working feverishly on a problem, but then give yourself a release of effort by doing something completely different. During the release period, feed your mind with new and diverse ideas by, for example, visiting a museum or an art gallery, paging through magazines or newspapers, going on a train or car journey, or randomly searching the Internet. But don’t push it. Simply immerse yourself in novel ideas and experiences, and leave it up to your brain to find connections and create seemingly serendipitous events.

• Changing perspective helps produce novel solutions. Try imagining how a child, idiot, friend, artist, or accountant would approach the problem.

• Alternatively, think about two analogous situations by applying the “is like” rule (e.g., “Attracting more people to my business is like a street entertainer trying to attract a crowd”). How is the problem solved in these situations? Can this idea be applied to your problem?

• Finally, think about doing the exact opposite of every solution you have created so far. Play. When you are being too serious, your brain becomes constrained. Jump-start your creativity by having some fun. Take a break for fifteen minutes, watch a funny film, or digitally alter a photograph of your colleague so that he or she looks more like an owl.

• Perceive. When the world becomes too familiar, your brain reverts to automatic pilot and stops seeing what is right in front of your eyes. Try switching your mind to manual by becoming more curious about the world.

• Ask yourself an interesting question each week. How do elephants communicate over hundreds of miles? Why do people laugh? Why are bananas yellow? How cmoe yuor bairn is albe to udnertsnad tihs snetence eevn tghouh olny the frist and lsat ltetres of ecah wrod are crreoct? Invest some time and energy in trying to discover possible answers to the question, if only for the fun of it.

• To inspire creative thoughts, place plants and flowers in a room and, if possible, ensure that windows look out on trees and grass, not concrete and steel.

• Don’t try to fake it. Pictures of waterfalls do not aid innovation, and even high-definition screens showing live camera feeds from natural scenes do not make people feel more relaxed.

• So if you really cannot introduce nature into a space, head for the nearest green spot. Also, when decorating rooms to inspire creative and innovative thinking, avoid red and go for green. The same concept applies if you are trying to get creative juices flowing for others—prime them with the color green (green folders, green chairs, or even your green clothing).

• There is a strong link between anxiety and creativity. When people feel worried, they become very focused, concentrate on the task at hand, become risk-averse, rely on well-established habits and routines, and see the world through less-creative eyes.

• In contrast, when people feel at ease in a situation, they are more likely to explore new and unusual ways of thinking and behaving, see the bigger picture, take risks, and think and act more creatively.

Chapter 5 - Attraction

• Ask people to look at photographs of one person touching another, and they consistently rate the “toucher” as far more dominant than the “touchee.”

• If you want to get someone to help you out, try the briefest of touches on the upper arm. The same behavior also increases the likelihood that one person will find another person attractive, providing that the touch is short, confined to the upper arm, and delivered at the same time as a compliment or request. Do be careful, however, because it is easy to get this terribly wrong. Touching is a strong social signal, and even a few inches can make all the difference between the recipient inviting you in for coffee or calling the police.

• In general, liking lots of others usually means that people will like you. In a more romantic context, however, potential dates want to feel special. Research suggests that they are especially skilled at detecting those who are simply out to meet as many people as possible.

• So instead of men making a special effort to woo women by describing their tireless work for charity, they should perhaps consider mentioning their love of skydiving, the importance of standing up for what you think is right, and following your heart no matter where it leads.

• When people find someone attractive, their hearts beat faster.

• Opposite could also be true. In other words, people whose hearts are beating faster might be more likely to find someone attractive.

• So, when it comes to that all-important first date, go somewhere scary and don’t be afraid of intimate conversation. Common sense says that your date may find you a tad strange. Science suggests that you will be irresistible.

• Beat Fast, My Still Heart To help promote the chances of a successful date, choose an activity that is likely to get the heart racing. Avoid slow-moving classical music concerts, countryside walks, and wind chimes. Instead, look toward suspense-filled films, theme parks, and cycle rides. The theory is that your date will attribute a racing heart to you rather than to the activity, and so convince themselves that you have that special something.

• The Sharing Game When it comes to playing the sharing game, it is a case of taking one step at a time. However, providing that each stage seems appropriate, research suggests that disclosing personal information about yourself and encouraging your date to do the same can significantly speed up those all-important feelings of intimacy.

• Here are ten questions based on items from Aron’s sharing game to help the process:

  • 1. Imagine hosting the perfect dinner party. You can invite anyone who has ever lived. Whom would you ask?
  • 2. When did you last talk to yourself?
  • 3. Name two ways in which you consider yourself lucky.
  • 4. Name something that you have always wanted to do and explain why you haven’t done it yet.
  • 5. Imagine that your house or apartment catches fire. You can save only one object. What would it be?
  • 6. Describe one of the happiest days of your life.
  • 7. Imagine that you are going to become a close friend with your date. What is the most important thing for him or her to know about you?
  • 8. Tell your date two things that you really like about him or her.
  • 9. Describe one of the most embarrassing moments in your life.
  • 10. Describe a personal problem, and ask your date’s advice on how best to handle it.

• Research shows that women rate a man as more attractive after they’ve seen another woman smiling at him or having a good time in his company.23

• So instead of rushing in at a hundred smiles an hour from the very start of the evening, try playing slightly hard to get for the first hour or so and then turn on the charm later. Also, rather than chatting about things that you both like, talk about things that you both dislike.

• People feel closer to each other when they agree about dislikes rather than likes.

• Initial work suggests that smiles that take longer to spread over a person’s face (more than half a second) are seen as very attractive, especially when accompanied with a slight head tilt toward a partner.

• The results revealed that for women, increasing a man’s number of previous partners from zero to two made them more desirable, but anything over two was seen as unattractive.

Chapter 6 - Relationships

• The female usually raises a difficult issue, presents an analysis of the problem, and suggests some possible solutions. Males who are able to accept some of these ideas, and therefore show a sense of power sharing with their partner, are far more likely to maintain a successful relationship. In contrast, couples in which the males react by stonewalling, or even showing contempt, are especially likely to break up.

• Aron’s work suggests that long-term couples will feel more attracted to each other when they regularly engage in novel and exciting joint activities that involve working together to achieve a goal. This finding is supported by the results of several surveys showing that long-term couples who are happy in their relationships are more likely to take part in leisure activities that involve both partners and are relatively unpredictable, exciting, and active rather than passive.

• The top-ten list of gestures is shown below, along with the percentage of women who assigned each gesture maximum marks on the “how romantic is this” scale.

  • Cover her eyes and lead her to a lovely surprise—40 percent
  • Whisk her away somewhere exciting for the weekend—40 percent
  • Write a song or poem about her—28 percent
  • Tell her that she is the most wonderful woman that you have ever met—25 percent
  • Run her a relaxing bath after she has had a bad day at work—22 percent
  • Send her a romantic text or e-mail, or leave a note around the house—22 percent
  • Wake her up with breakfast in bed—22 percent Offer her a coat when she is cold—18 percent
  • Send her a large bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates at her workplace—16 percent
  • Make her a mix CD of her favorite music—12 percent

• Surrounding yourself with objects that remind you of your partner is good for your relationship. It could be something that you wear, such as a ring, pendant, or necklace.

  • Or perhaps keep a gift from your partner on display in the home or office.
  • Or maybe place a photograph of the two of you in a prominent location, or in a wallet or purse.

• Either way, remember that these objects are more than mere tokens of love; they also serve an important psychological function.

• Not only do they usually evoke happy memories and positive thoughts, but they also activate a deep-seated evolutionary mechanism that helps make temptation far less tempting.

Chapter 7 - Stress

• When you experience an event that has the potential to make you feel angry, try the following exercise to ease the pain and help you move on. Spend a few moments thinking about the positive aspects of the event that you found hurtful.

Chapter 8 - Decision Making

• Beware of people using the “that’s not all” principle, offering unprompted discounts and bargains to get you to part with your money. Likewise, be wary of those who start small and build up or start big and quickly back down to a more “reasonable” offer. Of course, it is also possible to use exactly the same techniques to influence others yourself.

• When making straightforward decisions, stick with the conscious mind by thinking about the pros and cons and assessing the situation in a rational, levelheaded way. However, for more complex choices, try giving your conscious mind a rest and letting your unconscious work.

• First, to prevent regret in the first place, adopt a “will do” attitude toward opportunity.

• Second, if you do regret not doing something, see if there is anything you can do to remedy the situation.

• Finally, if it really isn’t possible to do anything to make things better, make a mental picture of a fence around the imaginary “what might have been” benefits that might otherwise occupy your thoughts. Instead of dwelling on the positive things that might have happened, spend time thinking about three benefits of your current situation and three negative consequences that could have occurred had you made the decision that’s causing the regret.

• Extreme maximizers constantly check all available options to make sure that they have picked the best one. In contrast, extreme satisficers look only until they have found something that fulfills their needs. As a result, maximizers objectively achieve more but take longer to find what they want and may be less happy because of a tendency to dwell on how things could have been.

• For successful lie detection, look for a person suddenly becoming more static and cutting down on their gestures. Also, learn to listen. Be on guard for a sudden decrease in detail, an increase in pauses and hesitations, and an avoidance of the words “me,” “mine,” and “I” but an increase in “her” and “him.” If someone suddenly becomes very evasive, press for a straight answer.

• Honest baseline. Before asking questions that are likely to elicit deceptive answers, start with those that are far more likely to make the person respond in an honest way. During these initial answers, develop an understanding of how they behave when they are telling the truth by looking at their body language and listening to the words they say. Then, during the answers to the trickier questions, watch for the behavioral shifts outlined above.

• Clues are simply an indication that all is perhaps not as it should be—a good reason to dig deeper.

• The results revealed that people lied in 14 percent of e-mails, 21 percent of texts, 27 percent of face-to-face conversations, and 37 percent of telephone calls. According to Hancock, people are reluctant to lie in e-mails because their words are recorded and what they say can come back to haunt them. So if you want to minimize the risk of a lie, ask others to e-mail you.

• People have a strong tendency to underestimate how long a project will take and that people working in groups are especially likely to have unrealistic expectations.

• Even when they are trying to be realistic, people tend to imagine that everything will go according to plan, and they do not consider the inevitable unexpected delays and unforeseen problems.

Chapter 10 - Personality

• Psychologists have created several questionnaires to carefully measure people’s responses on each of the Big Five dimensions.
• Unfortunately, they tend to involve a large number of questions, and so take a considerable amount of time to complete.
• However, some researchers have created a quick and easy version that will help you discover your position on each of the five main dimensions.
• It does not provide a perfect description but is a useful guide to the fundamental forces that make up your personality.

Conclusion

• Develop the Gratitude Attitude. Having people list three things that they are grateful for in life or three events that have gone especially well over the past week can significantly increase their level of happiness for about a month. This, in turn, can cause them to be more optimistic about the future and can improve their physical health.
• Be a Giver. People become much happier after even the smallest acts of kindness. Those who give a few dollars to the needy, buy a small surprise gift for a loved one, donate blood, or help a friend are inclined to experience a fast-acting and significant boost in happiness.
• Hang a Mirror in Your Kitchen. Placing a mirror in front of people when they are presented with different food options results in a remarkable 32 percent reduction in their consumption of unhealthy food. Seeing their own reflection makes them more aware of their body and more likely to eat food that is good for them.
• Buy a Potted Plant for the Office. Adding plants to an office results in a 15 percent boost in the number of creative ideas reported by male employees and helps their female counterparts to produce more original solutions to problems. The plants help reduce stress and induce good moods, which, in turn, promote creativity.
• Touch People Lightly on The Upper Arm. Lightly touching someone on their upper arm makes them far more likely to agree to a request because the touch is unconsciously perceived as a sign of high status. In one dating study, the touch produced a 20 percent increase in the number of people who accepted an invitation to dance in a nightclub and a 10 percent increase in those who would give their telephone number to a stranger on the street.
• Deal with Potential Liars by Closing Your Eyes and Asking for an E-mail. The most reliable cues to lying are in the words that people use, with liars tending to lack detail, use more “ums” and “ahs,” and avoid self-references (“me,” “mine,” “I”). In addition, people are about 20 percent less likely to lie in an e-mail than in a telephone call, because their words are on record and so are more likely to come back and haunt them.
• Visualize Yourself Doing, Not Achieving. People who visualize themselves taking the practical steps needed to achieve their goals are far more likely to succeed than those who simply fantasize about their dreams becoming a reality. One especially effective technique involves adopting a third-person perspective: those who visualize themselves as others see them are about 20 percent more successful than those who adopt a first-person point of view.